A Little Humor to Brighten Your Day

A TRIP TO COSTCO

Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog. I was in the checkout line when the woman behind me asked if I had a dog.What did she think I had, an elephant? 

So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't,
because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that
it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat
one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so
it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to
mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my
story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the
dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an
Irish Setter and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
laughing so hard.
Costco won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people! They have all the time in the
world to think of crazy things to say. Forward this (especially) to all
your retired friends.......it will be their "laugh for the day"!

 

Don't I Know You?

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD.
 
WELL . . . YOU'LL LOVE THIS STORY:
 
MY NAME IS MARY, AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.
 
I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED  THAT A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.
 
COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?
 
UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.
 
THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED
FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.
 
AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL .
 
YES. YES, I DID. "I'M A MUSTANG," HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.
 
"WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?" I ASKED.
 
HE ANSWERED, "IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?"
 
"YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!", I EXCLAIMED.
 
HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.
 
THEN, THAT UGLY,
OLD,
BALDING,
WRINKLED FACED,
FAT-ASSED,
GRAY-HAIRED,
DECREPIT
S-O-B
ASKED,
 
 
"WHAT DID YOU TEACH?"

And Some of Us Thought We'd Been Around a Long Time!

I was a little shocked by the pictures
when it penetrated my brain 
how long she's been around.
She gives new meaning to the phrase 
"Long Live the Queen."
How old does this one make you feel?



 





































I don't know about you, 
but I went OMG somewhere 
between Eisenhower and Truman. 

Isn't that eleven presidents?

How Old Do You Feel Now?

Current Issue of For Your Information is Available

In the current issue of For Your Information Dr. Hoeft answers several questions from a recent meeting of the Field Staff Executive Advisory Committee. If you are interested, here is the link.

Retirees and others can access FYI at http://web.extension.uiuc.edu/fyi/

Condolences for Hugh Livesay

Sorry to hear of the passing of Hugh Livesay. The article says he was a long time Ag. Adviser. My memory was that he worked in the State 4-H Office. 

MT. VERNON — Hugh E. Livesay, 88, of Lawrenceville died Saturday Dec. 24, 2011 at Lawrence County Memorial Hospital.

He was born Aug. 13, 1923 in Washington County, the son of Lewis and Dora (Haun) Livesay. On Aug. 26, 1951 he married LaVonne Sheldon and she survives.

In addition to his wife, he is survived by sons, Ray Livesay of Grayville and Don Livesay of Lawrenceville; a brother, Jim Livesay of Centralia; six grandchildren and four great-grandchildren.

He was preceded in death by daughter, Joan Livesay; five brothers and three sisters.

Hugh was a Farm Advisor for University of Illinois Extension Office for 30 plus years. He enjoyed farming, raising cattle, fishing, hunting and gardening.  He was active in 4-H. He was a member of the Pleasant Ridge Christian Church where he was a longtime Treasurer and Deacon. He started the Lawrence County Farmers Market. He was instrumental in starting the Lawrence County Jr. Fair Program.

His funeral was conducted at 3 p.m. Thursday December 29 at the Fouts Christian Church near Centralia with burial in the Fouts Cemetery.

Memorial donations may be given to the Lawrence County 4-H Building and Grounds Scholarship Fund or to the Pleasant Ridge Christian Church Building Fund.