Worth a Smile

Here are quotes from famous people that should make you chuckle.

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin..'
 - Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

 I had a rose named after me, and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog. 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'- Eleanor Roosevelt

 Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I
 have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that
 statement..
 - Mark Twain

 The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending;
 and to have the two as close together as possible
  - George Burns

 Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
 - Victor Borge

 Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
 - Mark Twain

 By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you
 get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
 - Socrates

 I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
  - Groucho Marx

 My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she
 stops to breathe.
 - Jimmy Durante

 I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
  - Zsa Zsa Gabor

 Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food
 groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
 - Alex Levine

 My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
  - Rodney Dangerfield

 Money can't buy you happiness .... But it does bring you a more pleasant
 form of misery.
 - Spike Milligan

 Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .
  - Joe Namath

 I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my
 nap.
 - Bob Hope

 I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it..
  - W. C. Fields

 We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way
 through Congress.
 - Will Rogers

 Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid
 you.
 - Winston Churchill

 Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to
 wear out, fall out, or spread out..
 - Phyllis Diller

 By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go
 anywhere.
 - Billy Crystal

 And the cardiologist's diet: - If it tastes good spit it out.